I want to start by thanking those of you who answered my question about why you read this blog. What an encouragement!! As I expressed in that post, I have struggled about whether or not to continue writing about real food. Especially in a niche where I am a bit of a novice and cynic, I often feel like there is little point to me taking pictures of my groceries, posting recipes, and sharing meal plans.
Additionally, it kind of irks me when generosity or faith-based posts receive NO comments, and yet readers send me thousand word diatribes when I tease about organic food. Admittedly, most of my self-conscious woebegone feeling stemmed from one comment related to a food post which included the phrase, “Katrina, I am so disappointed in you.”
Really!? This is what were doing? Ughh. I thought this food thing would be fun.
So, I sit with my fingers on the keyboard wondering if I should write what I WANT to SAY or what YOU want me to SAY. Then I wonder what you want me to say. Then I wonder if I really want to say that. Then I wonder what God wants me to say, but He’s not saying.
(Well hello, Insanity! How nice of you to visit! Yes, do come in. I was just talking to myself.)
Here’s an illustration. My mom talks about restaurants as having “good food” or “good atmosphere.” My dad gravitates toward the “food” places, and my mom gravitates toward the “atmosphere” places. I guess it is pretty hard to find a place with both.
I have been trying to be BOTH a great content based food blogger AND a funny, dynamic, inspirational story blogger. No wonder I wore myself out.
Your comments helped me to realize that while I don’t need to abandon writing about food when I want to, most of you aren’t coming back here for the food. You are coming back for the atmosphere. (Single tear.) I just need to keep using my gifts, whether that means writing about food or faith or something else entirely. It sounds silly to some of you, I’m sure, that I so shamelessly need your approval of my writing, but I guess I’ll never totally shake the people pleaser in me, no matter how hard I try.
But wait. It isn’t just being a people pleaser. Many bloggers will say that we shouldn’t be obsessed with numbers, and I agree. However, if I didn’t want an audience, I’d journal. The fact is, I do want an audience, so I write a blog. I WANT readers. There I said it.
I want readers.
I WANT READERS.
There is this theory that true writers care only about the craft and the creativity, whereas hacks get all caught up in being read by masses. I get frustrated by these coy, self-effacing writers who pretend that we sit, wearing white, holding fountain pens, in our cozy closets being all demure like Emily Dickinson.
BALONEY. Home-girl died before most of those poems were hauled out of a trunk. As elegantly scripted as her words are, she didn’t get to know how they resonated with millions of readers. That’s just sad, sad, sad, and sad.
And I’m just tired of pretending that it doesn’t matter to me if I’m read, if you like what I say, or if it helps you. Because it does matter to me.
I am writing to you.
Maybe all artists have to step back every now and then and look at their work and say, “Do other people see what I see here? Is this piece working? Am I saying what I mean to be saying with my artwork?”
I guess that is what I needed to do. And you, gentle readers, were lovely and gracious and made me tear up and feel super thankful to have any readers at all in spite of myself.
In conclusion, I will keep writing about real food. Sometimes. Or not. I will be nicheless, but with atmosphere.
Speaking of opening cans of worms, is there anything that you WISH I would write about?