Ode to Laundry

It’s Laura. This goes to the tune of the hymn “Victory in Jesus” (just the main chorus part, I don’t know if the tune of the verses is the same).  If you don’t know the tune, hopefully a) God will forgive you, and b) you’ll get something else redeeming and humorous from this post despite missing the entire melodic point. 🙂

Victory in laundry,
I’ll never achieve it.
From whites to darks to towels,
It’s on the daily chores

I love you when you’re folded,
And hate you when you’re molded-
You pile up behind each door
And wait till there I tread.

Oh, laundry forever,
And ever, and ever…
Victory, sweet victory
Somewhere in never land.

Today my dryer is broken,
I smell the motor smokin’,
Now must drive the wet clothes
To the local laundromat.

I’ll watch it all a’spinnin,
And know there ain’t no winnin’ –
No victory in laundry
Long as I keep on having kids…

Each little pair of trousers,
Each slightly stained pink blouse is
Just another reason
Victory won’t be mine.

The mismatched sock basket
Is twice the size of Texas,
When I get to heaven
I hope my socks are there!

A hundred gallon bleach tank
Could supply us for about a week,
My ratio is 1 to 1,
That’s how I get it clean!

I don’t separate the delicates,
Ain’t got the time to spare.
In this house, the delicates
Better toughen up or beware.

I wash the feather blankets,
The leather purse and jackets,
You’d be amazed at all the lies
Those little labels tell.

It’s a good thing I have all day
To wash and dry and put away…
Tomorrow holds another load
With ne’er a day to spare.

Oh, victory in laundry!
I’ll never achieve it.
The most that I could hope for
Is enough clean underwear…