Have you ever seen Pollyanna? It’s a Disney movie in which a little girl transforms her fellow townsfolk from gloomy, drab, and hopeless solely by the force of her chipper, happy disposition and her kind words.
During my brooding, melancholic teen years, my mother would often use Pollyanna as her touchstone of comparison, saying things like, “I’m not trying to be a Pollyanna” (she was IMO) “but is there anything GOOD that you can say about the _____________ (date, teacher, friend, test, play, disaster)?” This would make me scowl and skulk away, defeated in my gripe.
Like Pollyanna, however, my mother was not easily swayed by a grump. She would offer cheerfully, instructive comments like “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
Sheesh. That left me with almost nothing to say.
Another doosey “mom-ism” that squelched my griping and gossip was her admonition, “Ask yourself: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” With a bit of mental effort, I could sometimes rationalize my thoughts through the truth and kindness filters, but I could rarely beat necessary.
Sigh. So much of what I have to say just isn’t necessary.
Well, darn.
I’m sure many of you, upon reaching adulthood, have discovered the strange phenomena that is–having your mother’s voice trapped in your head. Then subsequently, there is the even more bizarre reality of HAVING HER WORDS COME OUT YOUR MOUTH.
So, in spite of the fact that I no longer live with my mother, her lessons on positive speech still follow me and are now some of the aphorisms that I pass on to my own children.
Because, you know, there are very few things that I regret NOT SAYING. As usual, my mother was right.
Maybe this is what has compelled me, as a blogger, to develop a new comment policy.
The freedom with which we all can offer up our thoughts, feelings, and opinions on the internet is certainly a blessing, but I think it is also a responsibility. Our words can be tools for exhortation or weapons for crushing. I’m sure ALL of us have experienced frustration and even hurt from comments and interactions online that were not always TRUE, KIND, or NECESSARY.
Maybe, you, like me have to honestly confess that we’ve been guilty of using words hastily, to be sarcastic, crass, or cruel.
I don’t want to be that kind of writer. I don’t want this to be that kind of blog. There’s enough of that in the world.
With that in mind, a comment policy will appear above the comment form of my posts. I think this policy will also keep me accountable as I attempt to express my meaning helpfully, without hurting others or being snide.
THUS, the guideline for us in what we say on this blog and the comment thread will be:
Ephesians 4:29-32
29 Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. 30 Don’t grieve God. Don’t break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted. 31-32 Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.
Maybe this strikes you as a goody, goody, Pollyannish, sticky-sweet move, but that is not my intention. Being a careful speaker or writer will only strengthen us all and enable us to better help each other. We can still tell our stories–even the ugly ones. We can still faithfully spur each other on toward love and good deeds (Heb 10:24), but we can do it graciously.
Are you with me? Can we do this?
I know how you feel! I am going through a rough spot and trying to think positive and go on. Sometimes, what we say to ourselves is more vicious than anything someone else can say. Self talk is important and how we talk around others shape our environment. Love you!
My favorite book was Pollyanna. I have always played the “Glad Game”. I also was told by my mother, “If you can’t say anything nice . . . too. Also, “Bad wishes are like chickens, they always come home to roost.” I’m with you, there is nothing wrong with measuring your words. We can do this!
I think we all have to have boundaries in our online lives. We get to decide what comes in the door. For example, I’ve taken comments down off my Facebook page, and then privately messaged the person so say why. I don’t have a written policy on my blog, but if I didn’t like something–for whatever reason–I’d feel free to take it down. It’s my blog. I get to choose. So more power to ya!
I have always thought there’s kind of a “nice blogger” unspoken rule to be encouraging, even when in disagreement. But if course some people just find it easy to be indecent online…so this is a great idea to hopefully protect yourself from some undeserved harshness.
I commend you for taking a stand when a lot of people in ‘blogland’ refuse to do so, even on their blog. Keep a standard even when other won’t. I love your site, been stopping by since you were ‘Poorganic Life’.
I think this is a wonderful idea! It will remind us to think before we “speak” here. Can I post that comment policy above my own head, so I remember to think before I speak? 🙂 Thanks for being an uplifting voice. It’s so refreshing.
Sad that we as bloggers have to even state this policy. 🙁 But people will say things online that they would never say to your face. Excellent post and excellent policy.
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WE CAN DO THIS!! Love the translation of Ephesians verses. So glad you are back blogging. I’ve missed you & your insightful writing.
This is a great idea! Just last night I was remembering my school physical education teacher, and all the things I didn’t like about her/the classes/back then. And then I thought, no, I just said my prayers, say some more – ask that my heart may have kindness and forgiveness, pray that this teacher is kinder and gentler now on her charges. Don’t seek to gain retribution or let her know ‘what she did’…
So thankyou, for today, offering up more support to this idea. I started out on your ‘no savings’ post, and couldn’t comment. I also had never heard of ‘eating crow’ being Aussie! Learning every day. I do save money, but I loved your idea, and you really challenged how I think and be Christian.
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