Ode to Laundry

It’s Laura. This goes to the tune of the hymn “Victory in Jesus” (just the main chorus part, I don’t know if the tune of the verses is the same).  If you don’t know the tune, hopefully a) God will forgive you, and b) you’ll get something else redeeming and humorous from this post despite missing the entire melodic point. :)

Victory in laundry,
I’ll never achieve it.
From whites to darks to towels,
It’s on the daily chores

I love you when you’re folded,
And hate you when you’re molded-
You pile up behind each door
And wait till there I tread.

Oh, laundry forever,
And ever, and ever…
Victory, sweet victory
Somewhere in never land.

Today my dryer is broken,
I smell the motor smokin’,
Now must drive the wet clothes
To the local laundromat.

I’ll watch it all a’spinnin,
And know there ain’t no winnin’ –
No victory in laundry
Long as I keep on having kids…

Where do all the socks go? Somewhere with a bunch of pacifiers.

Each little pair of trousers,
Each slightly stained pink blouse is
Just another reason
Victory won’t be mine.

The mismatched sock basket
Is twice the size of Texas,
When I get to heaven
I hope my socks are there!

A hundred gallon bleach tank
Could supply us for about a week,
My ratio is 1 to 1,
That’s how I get it clean!

I don’t really use half bleach and water, but I DO LOVE this stuff. I will bleach pretty much anything.

I don’t separate the delicates,
Ain’t got the time to spare.
In this house, the delicates
Better toughen up or beware.

I wash the feather blankets,
The leather purse and jackets,
You’d be amazed at all the lies
Those little labels tell.

It’s a good thing I have all day
To wash and dry and put away…
Tomorrow holds another load
With ne’er a day to spare.

Oh, victory in laundry!
I’ll never achieve it.
The most that I could hope for
Is enough clean underwear…

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3 Responses to Ode to Laundry

  1. Anita November 3, 2010 at 5:20 am #

    wow. socks. i did them this week. enough to drive me insane. i promised the kids 10 cents for every match they find with a minimum of 5 matches. they found 12 between them. oh yes, child labor… yes yes yes.

  2. Jenny November 3, 2010 at 12:16 pm #

    hahahahaha! love it, laura!

    i’ve started washing baby socks & other small stuff in lingerie bags…

    • thefunnysister November 3, 2010 at 3:14 pm #

      See… that is where the “delicates better beware” comes in. I have never ever SEEN a lingerie bag, let alone own one. That is not to say I have never seen or owned lingerie… 😉